Socrates!

I would like to quote my favorite line from the Apology.

“Men of Athens, I respect and love you, but I shall obey the god rather than you, and while I live and am able to continue, I shall never give up philosophy or stop exhorting you and pointing out the truth to any one of you whom I may meet"

This is where I am at right now.

Where am I? Who knows.

Change...

there's so much past inside my present

Where I am at

I, like Liz, though momentarily blinded by my extreme desire to not be here in Provo (Oooooh Ryan) and dying for the semester to be over, realized that I am quite happy right where I am. I love my classes and the things I am learning. I love being on the council and the things I learn from you guys. I love being on SAC- today we got to meet with President Samuelson and he is PRETTY COOL. I also love that I go to BYU where I get to hear cool famous people speak at forums and devos, like Captain Lovell today. I am grateful for my free agency that I can skip class and go home and watch Apollo 13 after devotional... I love being married. It is so fun and so different than what I expected. I love my ward- Peter and his new wife Kortney just moved into it! I love the prospect of spring coming, and all my plans for summer. My husband just bought me a jeep, which has always been my dream to own and it is rad. I am so excited for all the Moab trips I am going to go on. I am also grateful for my health and my youth, which I am determined to make the most of. I am so grateful to be what I am, where I am and feel so blessed in my life right now.

I am Here...

Where am I?

Where's Courtney?

Where am I? What a great question. I was discussing this with a roommate the other night. Lately, I feel like I am in the middle of a labrynth of critical decisions... and one wrong turn will lead right into a deadly trap or fog of forsakenness... or something else equally dreadful. It's easy, when the future is unclear but decsions need making, to become discouraged and lose hope. It's also easy to let yourself become distracted, to try to put off the things you should be thinking of and doing and waste time on trivial matters.

It is moments like this that make me so grateful for the gospel, and specifically prayer. I remember, when I was little, opening up my "Where's Waldo" book and scanning the pages to find him. Sometimes I found him right away, there are some pages where I still swear he isn't in there. One evening, I asked my dad "If Heavenly Father read this book, how fast could he find Waldo?" (I was a pretty wise kid). My dad's answer was immediately. "He wouldn't even need to open the page, he'd already know." In this massive, celtic knot cross-road I've found myself in, I'm grateful to know that someone knows where I am. Even when I don't.

My Pulse ... Right ... Now!

It has been a really hectic week! Up until this week things have gone great. Really great:
Last Friday I had to go to Idaho for a traffic ticket (I was seeking justice by fighting the charges). I won.
This semester I got my first 100% on a test at BYU (it was on my new favorite book-Tolstoy's War and Peace).
My wife got an interview for the MBA program at the Marriott School of Business.
BYU made it out of the first round of the NCAA tournament.
I found out that I am going to Chicago for a week this summer!
In other words, life has been really going great!
This last week however:
I have a take home test (why do professors do this?!?).
I have a class presentation (this class...).
I have to another class presentation for 30 min. (War and Peace again...).
I have a deadline for a paper... that I am not ready to write... yet...
I am getting a new district of young missionaries this week.

I know I am going to make it. I am not worried about surviving, but rather how well will I survive. I remember when Elder Eyring said that our goal is not to simply endure the storms of life, but to endure them well.
It is always a rush this time of year (last midterms until finals start). I love the feeling that comes with stretching to new limits. It helps me know I am on the right path.
Some things I do to keep going:
Read the Word (the Holy Word of God).
Play Basketball once (Wednesday night for 30 min.).
Eat regularly.
Sleep regularly.
Pray very regularly.

Orlando, Florida

This is not a picture of me, but it is where I've been for the last two days. That's where I'm at right now.

I've also been on couches reading books, and apparently online doing this post. I have not been in a place where I've been thinking a lot about school...or work...or anything but relaxing. See you next week!

The Present

Yea... March 23, 2010 Post

Where in the world is Kiersty Lemon? Currently, I am in the HLRC, in the JFSB, on BYU campus, in Provo, Utah, in the USA, on the Planet Earth, in the Orion arm of the Milky Way Galaxy, in a much larger Universe. Of course, this is a strictly literal statement. When I ask myself where I am in school, my answer is more like this: I am a student, a year away from graduating with a bachelor's degree in Spanish and a minor in Humanities. I plan to apply to the Spanish Master's program and continue to study Spanish literature. If I ask where I am in life, the answer is much the same includes my relationships with my friends and family, my ward, my roommates, my apartment complex, my home teachers, the friends I eat lunch with, the time I spend reading, walking, country dancing, talking, reading comics, quoting, TAing, studying, writing, etc... These things help define who I am and where I am, and when I know that I have a clearer picture of where I want to go and whether that's where I'm headed.

Just a Little Crazy...

"I think he'll make it"

Look before, or you'll find yourself behind

Harbors

The picture above is a different angle of a childhood staple for me: the lighthouse and harbor in Santa Cruz. I remember thinking that the concrete 'jacks' that were all stacked on top of each other seemed so random and strange. I thought that they were just scattered there arbitrarily, only to realize as I grew older that they were placed with great purpose and care to ensure the best support structure to absorb the shock of the waves that could sometimes pound towards the shore. All of the boats within the harbor would have been damaged or destroyed by some of the storm waves that could come in. The lighthouse was there to guide them in.

It's the same with the way the Lord protects us. Sometimes the events He places in our lives to help protect us seem random and scattered, and we don't realize until we're a bit older and wiser just what He's been doing to help shelter us. We may still take a bit of a beating, but those things inside us, our virtue and hope and spirit, remain intact and buffered. He stands always as a lighthouse to guide us in to that safe harbor, whereas we might not want the random, clumsy looking events he offers us, instead opting for rougher waters that initially appear a better choice.

Also, I always liked digging for crabs and starfish that were randomly found on those things. Random thought.

Help from Christ through ordinary people

I want to focus more on the word help. Two summers ago, I moved up to the Salt Lake area for an internship with a consulting firm. I was extremely busy with work. I was working a lot and even then, I put in a lot of overtime. I really wanted to make an impact at my company. Needless to say, because of my work, my social life was non-existent. I attended a singles ward in South Jordan and because I worked so much I didn’t attend any of the FHE activities or anything the ward hosted during the week. When Sunday came along, I would show up to Sacrament and sit by myself. I would then go to Sunday school and sit by myself and then again in Elders Quorum. For nearly two months, this was my experience at this singles ward. No one made an effort to introduce themselves or even say hello. The only person who I remember talking briefly with was the Elders Quorum President and it was just so I could give a prayer. It was really difficult being there.

There was one Sunday where I felt like not going to that singles ward. Instead, I was going to just randomly attend another singles ward in the area. However, as I was getting ready, I felt impressed to try the South Jordan ward one more time. I went and, again, sat by myself in Sacrament and Sunday school. But when I sat down in Elders Quorum waiting for the meeting to start, a brother, who I did not recognize, sat next to me. He had a big smile on his face and introduced himself to me. We then spent the next 10 minutes talking and after the meeting was over, we talked for another 20 minutes or so. After I left and drove home, I felt edified and uplifted. I felt as if someone actually cared about me. I don’t know if anyone else has been in this situation before, but for me, that visit meant so much to me. It was not only a blessing, but it was a help for my life.

I don’t remember his name, but I will always remember what he did for me. He exemplified Christ. He sought out the one and carried me back into the fold. He provided a sincere smile which gave me the motivation to being better. He helped me understand what being a christian is all about.

sweet picture but would not me post....

Living in a technical world we often assess situations in terms of cost benefit analysis-- whether we realize it or not. Is my utility best used in this capacity or in another one? While this line of thinking is practical and very applicable in countless situations, it nonetheless is inherently flawed due to its reliance on rationality. For when humanity attempts to calculate each risk, planning for the effects of our actions we eventually begin to lose our humanity. In approaching the topic of hope it is necessary to acknowledge our reliance on rationality because without doing such, we inevitably fall into a technical or rational way of thinking about hope. We think that if we perform x, y and z that all will fall into place, and if it does not we recognize that all will work out eventually. Hope is not necessarily this though. It is something incomprehensible to the human mind—it is the mercy of God in its highest form which renders unforeseen and epic change. The idea of hope has been morphed into tacky greeting cards and kitschy slogans, even though it entails much more. Due to the commercialization of hope though--it is often written off and thought dismissible, a fool’s gold if you will. Hope like faith however, is something which is not seen yet understood, recognized on a supreme level resonating within the human psyche, and a manifestation of divinity and its power in its purest form. Hope is the cause for rejoicing when all rationality rails against it.

Courtney's Entry

Hope is one of the Christ like attributes that I need to work on developing. The opposite of hope is discouragement. Once we let a trail bring us discouragement we decide to fail. But when we face a trail with hope, despite all conviction that reveals inevitable defeat, at that moment we win. One of my favorite stories shared in conference was when President Uchtdorf talked about his mother and the missing train containing himself and his siblings. She left for a moment to find food, and returned to find the car missing. Despite her deepest fears, she ran from car to car searching for her children. Finally, she found them. I feel like the root of most failure is the failure to hope. A lack of hope is paralyzing. We often hear President Hinckley quoted when he said that fear is the antithesis of faith. President Monson has said in several cases that fear and faith cannot coexist, because one will inevitably overpower the other. A Dutch philosopher names Baruch Spinoza (who does not have the same authority by any means, but brings up an interesting idea) said, “There is no hope unmingled with fear, and no fear unmingled with hope.” I think that hope is our first and last straw. Something to think about…